Although initially, I painted this image to rid myself of its haunting presence. I discovered after reading, “Courage to Heal” that I was not alone in seeing this view from the corner of the ceiling. I learned that leaving my body was my only escape. Although, at the time while I was being incested by dad, I remember numbing my body so much that there would be no way that he could hurt me. I became as dead as a log.

After dinner we would read the bible while mom would leave or tend to my youngest sisters, leaving us alone with dad. We would take turns reading as we stood next to dad. For years, I felt the shame of that experience as if somehow I should have done something to make it NOT happen. As the other kids sat around the table listening, HE chose to fondle the reader and masturbate while the bible was being read. It took seeing that scene on canvas for me to witness the truth and release a mountain of shame. I was not to blame. I had no guilt. HE WAS THE JERK! HE WAS THE HYPOCRITE!

The fear of domestic violence was a constant threat. We witnessed mom get battered many times. This painful image has helped me understand the need for change to abusive patterns of expressing anger and not accepting the role of victim or becoming an abuser myself.